Excerpt from book:
Open Letter to His Majesty and Excellency Christ-Jesus
| Process of Salvation – Part 3 (Continuation from Part 2) (Open Letter pages 37-39). |
| Many steps I had to take on the narrow road which would be too lengthy to describe here, but each step meant suffering and losing another brother or sister, since it was suffering and loneliness I had to learn and experience! And with each step my color dreams about real Christianity were fast losing their colors and they were destroyed one by one. And there with them was hammered away also my spiritual naîvete, idealism, admiration for men, even the “thrones” which I built for some men in my mind and heart. All these were receiving sledgehammer blows and were being shattered to dust. They were being replaced by hard reality, which my poor soul and spiri could hardly bear were it not for Your Grace and strength. |
| It was not pleasant for a five to six year old Christian to discover that he is becoming ALONE in the midst of a tongues-speaking, tongues-praying and prophesying congregation. It was not only unpleasant, it was beyond belief and beyond reason. Yet, it was a fact. A hard fact. Again, little did I know at that time that You would bring me into a similar situation more than ten years later in a different church. |
| There were two other steps on the narrow road which were particularly painful for me. Therefore, they became particular blessings to me, but I had to wait some years for their fruit. |
| When I brought Your word “Renewal” on the Board’s agenda, I had a sincere faith that this was a pretty important point and that it would be treated as such. Today, I not only believe, I KNOW, that this was by far the most important point we could ever have had on our agenda! It was YOUR POINT. |
| In the following nine months, we discussed everything from money problems, coat hangers in the foyer, election of symbolic governors, snow removal … to the blocked toilets in the basement of the church; the “Renewal” was postponed from meeting to meeting and then never mentioned again! Lord, I saw the hearts of men! After nine months, I took Your point from the agenda. It was never really discussed. Yes, Lord, I saw the hearts of men, I saw the ugliness of pride and jealousy, I saw the face of self-righteousness, I saw the depth of vanity, I saw the power of fear and the power of lusts – lust for a position, for a recognition, for being admired, honoured, respected, followed. I saw the lust for the right reputation, for self-satisfaction … and for glory. And I saw my own helplessness to do anything, even to open my mouth. |
| Have I judged some of those men on the Board? Most probably I have – so I repent, I repent in truth, O Lord! I was simply too ignorant of righteous judgements at that time. I was too weak in spirit to bear such bitter truths and facts without responding with unrighteous judgements. Again, little did I know at that time that there would be more painful steps in the near future. There were. |
| (To be continued next week in part 4) |
| brother Hanola |
| … |