I sincerely admire those readers who have come thus far and were not derailed by some pretty tough and bitter pages of this book. I assume that for a few it has been a “sweet music”; likewise for a majority, it may have been a mixed experience, a “hard” reading; and many others, I assume, may have never arrived at this point.
But this book has been written primarily for those that will come to its end and will still be able to ponder, meditate, compare, assess, search, seek and finally take the right decisions in their heart. They will not be afraid to redirect their life and step on the road they may have never travelled – the TRUE ROAD TO LIFE and to the Kingdom of Heaven. They will not put this book on a shelf and promptly forget it as if they had never read it. This is my prayer to the Lord because these are the hearts the Lord seeks, especially now, before the end of this age comes.
Our life, especially spiritual life, is so complex and mysterious that no man can write about it hoping that he explained it sufficiently and the reader is now clear about it all. I have read many excellent books from far greater servants of the Lord than I am. I have found out that no matter how “insignificant” some things that they wrote may have appeared, they were of extreme importance to me and my own spiritual growth.
Through their writings the Lord had always provided me with all the necessary “nutrition” for my own maturing process. Additionally, the Lord always provided brethren who were excellent “irritants” for my flesh so it would burn fast and efficiently. What I will testify of below should have practical value for every reader with an open heart. Listen…
MY OWN pride, arrogance, self-righteousness, spiritual foolishness, fears, selfishness and other “virtues” of my flesh were burning on the “altar” of the Lord for years! And some of them are still “smouldering”. Can a proud and self-elevating believer make such a testimony about himself to the world-wide Church? Well, there goes my “image”! Can you make a similar testimony about yourself? Unless your “fleshly virtues” are burning on His altar, you absolutely cannot!
THIS IS MY TESTIMONY BEFORE THE LORD AND HE IS MY LIVING WITNESS. I AM not afraid to write it down and tell the truth. You see, I was not born holy or in the New Man. Nobody is. My old man was no better than yours or anyone else’s. I was in pain and suffering and wondering and I also went through those deep valleys of frustration, despair, disappointments, failures and death. No different from anyone of you.
Now, I have no plan of my own what to put into this chapter. I do believe that the Lord can sovereignly give unexpected, or unplanned “pearls”, which are able to change or affect someone’s life even profoundly. So, let me start declaring some of my experiences and facts of life, which may bring both shock and comfort to your own soul and life.
a) When a brother and his wife from a fellowship south of Montreal told me at our first church meeting (after having read my books) that I was proud and elevating myself over my brethren, I could smile at them. I told him: “Brother, you cannot offend me.” (Ps. 119:165) Then I embraced him and he was rejoicing, nigh to shedding tears. This is a simple fact of life, simple proof that pride did not respond from within me, rather, my New Man, my New Nature responded. A truly proud man would have been pricked and offended and would have responded totally differently. But even this did not change their mind and heart.
When I came again with other brethren to the second meeting with them, we were embraced and warmly welcomed. But later on, that brother was told that he and his wife acted unwisely during our first meeting… accusing me publicly and never repenting of their false and unfounded accusations. They both were very offended and we had to leave their house without embracing or even waving hands. They were stunned and unable to even finish the song they were singing. Their little daughter was waving good bye to us. This is another simple fact of life. But I am almost sure that they did not see themselves how they behaved and what powers were moving them. Oh, the depth of deception is truly great.
What is important for me is that I have nothing in my heart against them except compassion, understanding and pain that I cannot give them what I received from Christ.
There is another reason why I am quoting this episode for the readers to ponder. It is almost like an unwritten law that when you speak or write truth to a proud, arrogant or self-righteous believer (or pagan), it is HE who will always consider YOU as proud, arrogant and self-righteous! Why? Because the spirit of pride and self-righteousness, which is living in that person is OFFENDED by that truth. He cannot receive it or pause and righteously ponder it or verify it impartially in the Word of God. Such an offended brother then becomes inaccessible and unapproachable as a strong city with high walls. (Pr. 18:19)
Furthermore, an offended brother can never judge you righteously! An evil spirit of his old nature begins to affect his soul, darkens his eyes and begins to grow a root of bitterness and malice in his heart. Nobody could offend the Lord Jesus Christ, He was never proud, He always judged and acted righteously and with grace. Yet, it was HE who was always considered arrogant, proud and a blasphemer by all the proud and self-righteous ones! (Mt. 26:65-67)
TO BE OFFENDED IS NOT DIFFICULT – TO SEARCH THE TRUE ROOT WHY WE GOT OFFENDED IS DIFFICULT AND WITHOUT THE SPIRIT OF GOD, IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. This is a very great obstacle on the way of every Christian and we can overcome it only on the narrow way.
b) The greatest lessons we can learn in life, including our spiritual life, are the lessons learned in our DEFEATS! A continual success without any defeats can in time blind us. Defeats can teach us precious lessons. In my belief and experiences, this is EXACTLY the reason, why the Lord allows us to go down into “defeats” in various circumstances and stages of our life – to deal efficiently with our pride.
All those that seek any victory in any area of their life, including spiritual life, should realize and freely admit that they are defeated in that area! Otherwise, they would not seek or need victory. Right? It is a simple fact of life, but we may have never considered it from this angle. Once I have victory, I do not have to seek or fight for it, right? I may have to fight in it, though. It almost sounds incredible but on one hand we all have our victory in Christ Jesus. This is a simple truth. On the other hand, we “do not have it” in our life! This is not such a simple truth. We all have to fight “for our victory”, which we have in Christ! How and why?
Well, we are to fight IN the Lord’s victory FOR our victory – with our faith! Nevertheless, we have to fight, press, conquer, use our spiritual weapons and armour. So, do we have that victory or do we not have it? How would you explain it? Is this a mysterious fact of our spiritual life? It may be a mystery until we realize that we have our victory IN CHRIST BUT NOT YET IN OURSELVES, IN OUR VERY OWN EXPERIENCE, OWN SOUL, OWN LIFE.
Similarly, we have Eternal Life in Christ Jesus, yet, we have to “lay hold on it” in order to have it, right? (1Tim. 6:12) In fact, to fight the fight of faith seems to be the only way to lay hold on the Eternal Life – the One we already have in Christ Jesus! Is this any less mysterious than the question of our victory? Can we comprehend these things in our poor human mind? That is why we have to live by faith and not only by our mind. (Hab. 2:4// Rom. 1:17// Gal. 3:11// Heb. 10:38)
In Christ Jesus we have righteousness, wisdom, peace, forgiveness, mercy, grace and all the other virtues of His Divine Life. Yet, we all seem to be desperately short of them all! They are not outwardly manifested in us. Do we have to fight for them also? It appears so! It appears that…
…OUR WAR HAS TO BE FIRST WON INWARDLY, IN OUR SPIRIT, SO THAT ITS VICTORY CAN THEN BE MANIFESTED OUTWARDLY THROUGH OUR SOUL AND BODY.
IF WE LIVE IN PEACE, ARE HAPPY, FEEL NO GUILT OR ARE UNAWARE OF ANY EVIL WITHIN US – THAT IS NO PROOF THAT THERE IS NO EVIL WITHIN US! THE LORD KNOWS AND CAN SHOW US THAT EVIL DURING OUR MATURING PROCESS. WE ARE USUALLY SHOCKED BY WHAT HE IS ABLE TO BRING OUT OF OUR HEARTS… AND IN FRONT OF OUR VERY OWN EYES.
c) Anything dead and sinful must be at times literally “ripped out of us” in order that the Lord may replace it with something living and sinless. And if that “something” dead and sinful in us is part of a stony heart, then the Lord might have to use some additional fire or a “spiritual sledge-hammer” to crack open our stony hearts. (Jer. 23:29) Have you ever experienced THAT from the Lord? Are you with me? We all started with a desperately wicked and deceitful heart (Jer. 17:9), but not all of us necessarily started with a stony heart. I do hope you understand the difference.
If you, therefore, feel your HEART is in intensive pain or is failing due to great fears or is in anticipation of horrible consequences, or dangerous situations then, perhaps, the Lord is igniting a fire… because you could not hear His voice during the previous year or two… or ten, or more! Or you did not respond to Him at all, or you keep stubbornly going along your way, stuck in your rut and unable to get out of it because you do not see or hear or understand anything (a stubborn heart is blind and deaf).
The same may happen with the MIND. Many believers have such a strong mind that they just cannot help themselves. ALL THEIR CHRISTIANITY IS IN THEIR HEADS! Unless they reason and understand everything in their heads, they cannot believe. Their heart is completely closed. But this is not Salvation, it is an intellectual religion. Furthermore, if you can “believe” only what you understand – THIS IS NOT FAITH because your understanding can never produce faith. In doing so, YOU PUT CHRISTIANITY UPSIDE DOWN and you might get a hearty handshake from brother Thomas. (Jn. 20:24,25)
I know a brother who had this specific problem and what the Lord did was unbelievable and unimaginable for both of us. The Lord “cleared his mind” to the degree that he did not know what was happening to him. He lost all his “bearings”. Everything became new to him and he was looking at everything as if he were just born to this world. He could understand nothing of it and it was going on like that for some days. His wife became afraid that he was literally “losing his mind” and becoming a psychiatric case.
Only the Lord knows how damaged and in what pitiful state our mind may truly be before His Spirit begins to renew it in any way. Our mind is a powerful tool of our soul and can easily suppress and overrun faith or even our conscience. It can argue with Almighty God, it can oppose Him standing defiantly against His Word and Judgment and have no shame or fear. If we could only see ourselves as God sees us, we might not survive His sight. Therefore…
…WHENEVER WE HAVE ANY ARGUMENT WITH OUR OWN CONSCIENCE AND WE LOSE – WE WIN!
Let me declare at this point a very important fact concerning faith. FAITH DOES NOT ARGUE OR REASON! Within faith, either something IS or it IS NOT. Period. Faith never says: it may be, could be, should be, might be, hopefully, perhaps, etc. No. Therefore, as soon as you are willing to “discuss” your faith with people or with the powers of darkness and consider their arguments, your battle is over before you even start it, and – YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST IT.
FAITH IS NEITHER INHERITED, NOR PRODUCED BY OUR SOUL. IT IS BOTH A GIFT AND THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD. THIS GIFT MUST THUS BE GROWN (IN US) INTO A FRUIT.
Yet, FAITH IS OUR VICTORY (1Jn. 5:4) and that is why “all things are possible to him that believes.” (Mk. 9:23)
This, however, does not mean that you can actually do “all things”. The reason is that you do not have all the faith for all things. The Word rather means that all THOSE things are possible to him who has faith for THOSE things, where the Lord built faith in him for THOSE things. He cannot do any other things where his faith is missing (was not given to him).
Furthermore, you should never argue about your faith, never try to persuade anybody about your faith or show it off. You have to keep your faith living in your heart and perform it whenever the Lord leads you to such actions because He built it in you so that you would live by it. (Hab. 2:4// Rom. 1:17// Gal. 3:11// Heb. 10:38, repeated reading of the Word of God never hurts)
d) Let me come back at this junction and give my faith concerning the impossibility of our sinning after our cross. (see again page 115)
Our “New Man” is created by God in righteousness and true holiness. (Eph. 4:24) That which is righteous and holy cannot sin. Furthermore, whosoever is born of God (our New Man) does not sin. (1Jn. 5:18) When we are “born-again” (Jn. 3:3), we are “born” of God and not of sinful flesh. Whatever part of our old man is then crucified and replaced with this New Man created by God, THAT PART OF US DOES NOT AND CANNOT SIN!
You must have definite experiences that wherever your old soul life was crucified, it lost the power to cause you to sin. You must have also lost any “taste” or desire for sin. That part of your old life, your “old man” was replaced by the “New Man” who has the Divine Nature and thus a “new ability” to serve God spontaneously and not to serve Satan.
I have to testify before the Lord that when I look back at my past, I see a completely different person. There are many areas in my own life where I see, feel and recognize the work of the Spirit in my soul. I am aware of the power, which holds me where I cannot possibly hold myself; which gives me strength where I would otherwise fall; where I exercise faith and wisdom, which are clearly not mine. I do things, which just few years back, I would have never done or even dreamed about. My thoughts are different, my judgments are different, my goals in life are different, my understanding of others and also of my own self is different, my perception of the Lord and the understanding of His Word is different. My spiritual sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch even comprehension are totally different, they do function. This should be your testimony, as well, if you walk on the narrow way. Everything grows, changes and matures.
e) Just as our spiritual “new” birth was based on our conscious and free will decision to confess the Lord and be baptized, so also any replacement of any part of our old man for the New Man is done with our conscious and free-will decision before the Lord. This decision is opposed by all hell and that is where our war begins.
The existence of this war is the proof that there are two active powers in your soul – one of God and one of Satan. If there were not two powers, there would be no war! True? Both God and Satan desire your soul and YOU feel the conflict! Do you feel the conflict? If you do not, your soul is carnal, full of flesh (a non-flattering but true statement) or you are not even born-again in your spirit.
If there is no war in your soul, it just proves that there is only one power in your soul and it has no other power to fight or resist. So, you are either a pagan or a born-again Christian with the Spirit of God in your spirit only, but not in your soul[7], as yet. This may indicate that you are either a babe in Christ or a carnal Christian and the Lord has not yet entered your heart and led you to your war.
Such believers may then do funny things like singing “I surrender all… all to Jesus I surrender…” while in their heart they “fight the Lord” tooth-and-nail! They strongly resist any kind of counsel, discipline or authority from the Lord, which is absolutely necessary for them to surrender anything in their life! Or they may sing “Onward Christian soldiers…” while they fight their spouses and other brethren! Any true servant of God sent to them is “stoned” or insulted or accused or ignored and most certainly hated. He is labelled as proud, elevating himself over the brethren, coming to the brethren from “above”, not from “below”. So, how do these believers imagine their surrender and denial of their old life on their cross? Do they have a more comfortable way, which God “does not know about”?
Imagine soldiers in any army who would do what they want, when they want and however they want. They would readily refuse to listen to any of their superiors. What an army! Well, this is the Church of today! It is the most miserable army you can imagine in the history of mankind! It is no better than Israel in the wilderness, which also refused to listen to their superiors given to them by the Lord, so the Lord let them all perish there. (1Cor. 10:1-12// Jude 5)
And the Church at large, which we see and experience today and is in the wilderness of this world, is also nigh “perishing”. Only their children and those represented by Joshua and Caleb will survive and cross into the Kingdom of Heaven (Promised Land) – because these two had a different spirit within them (Num. 14:24,37,38) and they represented the Remnant of Israel… and those of a different spirit today also represent the Remnant of the Church.
f) Nowhere is this attitude, this spirit of rebellion, this evil in our old nature more pronounced, more tested than in our family relationships. There is a war between husband and wife, among children, between parents and children, between parents and in-laws, between parents and grandparents, between children and their uncles, aunts, cousins and friends, also between neighbours or any human beings without exception. We fight one another and totally neglect our true enemy! This is the picture of the world and, unfortunately, also the picture of the Church.
The devil is misusing one man against another. The devil is also misusing our cute, loveable children and, the Lord says, if you do not beat them with a rod, they may grow up into evil bastards and end up in hell! (Pr. 13:24; 19:18; 22:6,15; 23:13,14; 29:15,17) I know, this is not nice to say. I want to point out again that this is what God says, I only repeat His Own Words. Every parent that loves his children beats them and corrects them and trains them so that they would not grow up as wild animals, as evil beasts ending up in hell! So does the Lord with us also, especially while we are yet little, disobedient, spiritual children… though we may be 50 years old! (Heb. 12:6-11// Rev. 3:19) If you disagree with this, please, tell the Lord, argue with Him and show Him your wisdom or your better solutions.
* * *
To be continued next week in part 2
brother Hanola
…